So, I’m at the grocery store, and there on the racks at the checkouts sits magazine after magazine touting their scandalous stories about celebrities and their private lives. For starters, nobody in America reads magazines. In fact, nobody in America reads at all. Everyone listens to their mp3 players instead. I am spot on again.
So this morning while I am eating my oatmeal, I stumble across a Website that lists all the holidays in this country. Then I see that today, January 28, is National Cazoo Day. I laughed. Nobody in America has a cazoo, in fact, nobody in America would play with one, nor do they even know what one is. That holiday needs to be cancelled out.
So today at work, the long que of annoying songs played on and on. Among the worst was one sang by Peter Gabriel. Nobody in America knows who he is, likes his music, or wants to hear any of that noise he spews. Everyone listens to Waylon Jennings. Did I really say that?
So yesterday I am driving through the country enroute to meet my sister for church and dinner afterwards. On my way, I see a bowling alley off to the right. That struck me as odd; Nobody in America even bowls anymore. In fact, the only reason anybody even goes to a bowling alley is to sit around and drink coffee. Wow, did I ever nail that one or what?
So today I am walking through Lowes and I see The Farmers Almanac sitting on the store rack. It’s the 2013 edition. I wonder why they even print that thing anymore because nobody in America even reads that anymore. In fact, nobody in America
reads anything at all anymore! Everyone plays Nintendo wii or something during their free time instead. I am absolutely right on this one.
I am driving down the road and I hear a wonderful Christmas song, sang by a person named Michael Buble.
For starters, Nobody in America wants to hear Michael Buble. Moreover, I thunkededed that a Buble was something a kid makes when they dip that circle wand into the solution. I want all of that Buble music off the radio immediately because it is just no good.
Hmmmmm … I think the ladies are going to be upset with me.
Hows come nobody in America prepares and cooks homemade meals from scratch anymore? Everyone just eats Ramon Noodles or something. Bring back the days that we spent time throwing all those ingredients into a bowl and created a mouth-watering dinner.
How do I know these things? Nobody knows, but I do.
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My sister Josanne tells me her family is joining the gym tomorrow.
Nobody in America joins the YMCA, 24 Hour Fitness or Gold’s anymore. And Nobody in America will be making exercise their New Year’s Resolution for 2013 either. Everyone just sits on their favorite couch and plays Farmville.
Spot on, as usual! Don’t be so quiet, you know I am right. What say you?
So I start surfing the web today, and come across this story about the biggest black hole.
Super Giant Black Hole Baffles Scientists
These crazy scientists that love to use the word “Billion” just to attempt to impress us are really out there.
Nobody in America believes in these purported black holes, galaxies, or milky ways or whatever. We also know that nobody in America believes the “billions of light years”, “billions of years”, or “billions of times the size of the sun” either. I want these stories to stop immediately.
So, I brew my coffee, sit down to watch the evening news, and then I fell asleep. I wake up, and behold the news is over, and I am now watching Wheel of Fortune.
I must be the only person in America that was watching that dumb show, and that was only because it started to air while I was asleep. We all know that nobody in America watches that WoF in this day and age; I mean, c’mon, we watched that show as kids over 35 years ago! I think CBS should stop running it immediately, and refund all the advertisers money immediately. What say you?
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